Tuesday, May 17, 2011

BiTcH mE bAbY oNe MoRe TiMe

Finally college days coming to an end and I will live happily ever after!

Wait a minute! Did I sound like I was real happy getting out of this place?

Oh well then it’s great because I’m happy!

These four years were extraordinary. Every year was dramatic and significant in it’s own way. But for God sake four years at MITS is more than enough.

Here you literally get stuck in a desert of 3000 girls with your friends from other colleges popping up the question ‘hey did you see any lesbians?’ and teasing you that for next 4 years you are without water and by water they meant guys! Hats off to those who could afford a love life here! Not because of their charisma but their thirst mostly.

So recently I’ve started to notice how many people in the final year of their graduation are ready to sob-sob and get senti-senti and how many will say hasta-la-vista with joy.

‘I-will-miss-u-till-death-do us-apart’ is freaking crazy but it's okay to say it if you mean it . Many of us were ready to die and take rebirth so that they don’t repeat the same mistake of landing here.Trust me they won't in future.

Some people I met here were so lovey-dovey that it was difficult to understand them initially and were comparable to indigestible sugar-free cookies which just has the feel of sugar i.e. they say ‘I’m a cookie’ but you know a sugar-free cookie is just not a cookie!

That pretty much reminds me of my first year when I felt people around me are my favorite cookies!

First year and Fourth year! No wonder they begin with the letter ‘F’ and the ‘F’ factor is so dominant throughout! Yes you got it right. F factor is the factor responsible for triggering all the beeps on MTV Roadies. I thought I had enough of Fake friends in first year. I was learning to know people back then and I think I will always be learning as they come and go.

Some came with an expiry date and it was no use hanging on to them after they crossed the date. One thing I realized is that however hard you try you won’t be good enough for some people. So don't give a damn.

All this wisdom comes free with my brand new wisdom tooth.

Well let me share my valuable experience with girls. By experience I mean nothing of profane nature. It’s all professional and bitchy!

DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned below are not fictious and any resemblances in real life are not coincidental and purely intentional.

  1. Girls are those species which can be sweet and sour at the same time.

Let me illustrate this with an example.

Girl Y: I’m fucked . Just 6.5 this time.

Girl X: (smiling with 32 beauteous teeth) Yaar do not worry next sem you will rock and anyway marks don’t matter.

Girl Y: hmm. I hope so. How was yours?

Girl X: (smile vanished) Don’t ask..stuck on 8…what should I tell my parents?

I’m finished. My future is dark. I won’t get a good MBA college.

  1. Girls can change their minds. It is their birth right.

Girl X: I tell you that girl Y,she’s a slut and her boyfriend is so lame!

After some certain time period when girl Y brings gifts for X and takes X to pub with her boyfriend.

Girl X: Y is the sweetest and most helpful person I’ve known.

Guess what Miss X you are the most disgusting person I’ve known and you are so cheap that somebody just bought you!

  1. Girls are possessive.

Girl Y: Can I have your notes for some time.

Girl X: Yaar.. I’ve to study at night.(i.e. 7 hours from now)

Girl Y: I just want to get a photocopy. Will take hardly 15 minutes.

Girl X: Hmm.. Okay but don’t give it to anyone else and do not underline or scribble anything or drop water on my notes.okay?

I wonder if X had so many conditions Y had to comply with before taking her notes what kind of clauses she would have put if she were supposed to sign a nuclear deal!

4. Girls believe in values and table manners.

Girl X: I feel Y is selfish. She doesn’t wait for us to finish our meals and walks away when she’s done. She doesn’t even bring an extra glass of water for anyone. Yesterday she forgot to ask me for lunch!

My dear friend X please cut the crap and don’t you see I’m so not interested in doing ‘Hum Saath Saath Hai ‘.

  1. Girls can laugh even on the lamest of jokes or ideas.

Prof X: So you need to come tomorrow with a PPT on your assigned topic.

I hope you all know what a Power point presentation is? A Presentation which has Powerful Points!(smiling and expecting response )

Girls U,V,W,X,A,B,C : hahaha…ROFLOL …OMG he’s so funny!

I think Prof. X has a bad sense of humour and so does U,V,W,X,A,B,C.

6. Girls follow the rule of association.

Suppose X,Y,Z,L,M,N are 6 girls who say they are friends.

Girl X : I had an argument with Y . She’s a bitch.

Since X likes Z and Z likes M and M dislikes N so X,Z,M stops talking to Y and N.

7. Girls can be green monsters.

Jealousy among girls can be due to a variety of reasons- marks, looks, boyfriends, fan following, placements and packages blah blah. If a girl hates another girl without any considerable reason it is because she’s jealous. Combined with ego jealousy makes a girl a green monster.

8. Girls can be bold.

Boldness is redefined. It is not about appearance any more but action oriented. It is about going off the limits. It is not just coaxing people in authority in college. The real bold is one who can have a so called clandestine affair though the whole college was already talking about it. Not to mention the friends who are basking in the glory of it. Oops! Miss Bold your dirty laundry already got public!

9. Girls can booze

Well it is difficult for people to understand that girls can booze much so girls will prove to the world that they can by uploading their booze party pics on FB and tagging unwilling friends too. Thus forcing their friends to remove them from their FB wall! I know guys who do drinks and drugs but even they don’t have the guts to tell the world about it.

10. Girls can make an issue out of nothing

Girl X: I got placed in both ‘ABC’ and ‘LMN’ but yet not decided which to join.

(ABC and LMN are IT firms conducting mass recruitment in the country)

(After 1 month)

Girl X: (FB status update) I’m so confused still not decided. Who deserves me- Guys please help!

First of all I’m happy you got placed but don’t act like you have to choose between Google and Facebook. You are one among the lakhs of engineers in the country who got a job in an IT firm. Look around a bit and feel the excellence.

Most importantly I learnt a lot about PEOPLE here. I learnt the biggest influences in life are the people who are sitting right next to you or are around you. They will affect you no matter how hard you try to escape it. I thank those influences(including the suck ups) as they made me a wiser person and also earned me a post for my blog.

My Roomie is an alarm clock personified. And when her ‘Wake up Trish’ song hits my ear drums, it activates my brain and compels me not to bunk classes and meals. Her assuring before every exam ‘syllabus ho jayega abhi soja ya online timepass kar le’ is what I love about her. And my Queen of electronics, Silky, assuring me that she’ll get me through every electronics paper I had, made my life so comfortable and joyous even if it was a matter of few hours or just a day. Not to mention Kirti, Ritu, Richa …class would have been hell without you guys.

I’ve friends who are intelligent, smart, sensitive and very beautiful in and out and have qualities I tried to imbibe. Late night chats on the hostel roof about how life changed in few years, the anxiety about the future, how to deal with guys, how to prevent getting married in coming four years, making fun of ‘miss wanna be’ around , we discussed it all. Imitating friends and enemies, singing old hindi songs together in the middle of the night, pouncing on that last piece of pizza, the crazy unending photo sessions, the fests, the parties about which I can’t disclose anything about….we had all sorts of fun one could have had in a college life!

I’m not really going to miss anything but cherish whatever good or bad I had because the good made me smile, laugh and feel lucky while the bad just made it sure that I felt more blissful when the good comes around. Eventually when you’ll leave college you’ll realize that it is just your graduation degree that you brought home and rest everything-your friends and all those sweet and sour memories are left behind as one of the best chapters in life.

I wish all my friends and batch mates all the very best in life and hope all of you live life the king size.Amen.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


What fragnance is to a rose, that is exactly what cricket is to India.

I remember the days when I started playing this amazing sport.We were a team of five boys and one girl and my area of expertise was ‘running between the wickets’ as I was not fond of bowling much and when it came to batting the guys never bowled well(esp. for me). They used to deliver sluggish underarm balls, which I could hit even with my eyes closed. Then I would yell at them-“Seriously! Shut up and give me a fast ball.”

What happened there after is beyond the scope of this blog and should only be discussed with experts! :-P

From newspapers to T.V. channels, from social networking sites to tea-time discussions cricket seems to be ubiquitous. And the smell of the victory in the air when the crackers burn, the brouhaha after every wicket that falls, the smiles on the faces and the pride every Indian feels when Men in Blue trounce the rival team is just priceless!

The most incredible aspect about this sport is that I’ve witnessed people from every section of the society playing it and loving it.

The India-Pakistan semi final was a high profile match with Bollywood stars and politicians reveling in the victory of a team whose majority of players come from modest families and slogged hard to make a place in playing eleven.

That’s the beauty of the bat and the ball-you can find it in slums of Mumbai lightening up the impoverished faces and also in a high profile match at Wankhede stadium.

With all the madness building around with every upcoming match it is impossible to say that cricket is not the national game of India!

People bunking their offices, house wives finishing up fast with house-hold chores, students bunking classes and exams, those traveling on the D-day taking a flight instead of a bus or a train, guys and girls painting their faces in tri colours - gosh! the vivacity gets so much better when people from different cultures and religions unite under just one name-INDIA !

P.S.-Cricket is not our national game but it is definitely the national mood!

Cricket is one religion that every Indian believes in. KUDOS to team INDIA!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

My rendezvous with 'The Stranger'

Have you ever thought that movies like Jab We Met,Anjaana Anjaani,Hum Tum,Serendipity are based on beautiful accidents in life that involves two completely different people totally new to each other in strange circumstances but strings attached!
Year 2007:
Scene 1:
It was Manipal Entrance Test. My test centre was Lucknow.
I was just in time for the test and reached my alloted class for the test. My eyes searching for my allocated seat .and there it was-beside a fair guy .I settled on to my seat, held out a pen and was going through the instructions in my answer sheet when the stranger poked his nose.
Stranger: hey you can't use a pen you have to do with pencil. Take my pencil I've got one extra.
I looked at him with disgust and he just smiled .
Me: No thanks.I read the instrutions and I've one for my own.
Still he kept his pencil on my part of table...cAn YoU beLieVe tHat?!!
For next 10 minutes I was engrossed in my Form.
Stranger: Don't you think your name is weird?...and long too!
Tumhare Dad ka naam to thek hai.
He was going through my admit card....cAn YoU beLieVe tHat??!!!!!
I felt like pushing him down from the Qutub Minar....
what a scene that would have been seeing his nose thrashing into the ground.
I was fuming with anger from inside, yelling- what are you fat ass ?? some Name Inspector..huh??
Me: Oh really?....whats yours?
Stranger: (smiling) Akshay Kapoor
Me: Whats that like..a desperate attempt to sound like Akshay Kumar and Shahid Kapoor....coz from any angle you don’t look like any of the two.

And my face was lit up by a diabolic smile......the devilish grin!

Stranger: hey relax yaar.....sorry if I was offensive. Actually your name is weird but in a nice way..... infact Ananya sounds great!
Me: Now that’s called damage control.
Stranger: (Smiling again).....You are pretty smart...arent you?
Anyway you have got to tolerate me for next 2 hours and it's 4 hours if you are giving the MBBS entrance too!
'Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii' was my instant feeling!
Me: (thinking) then thank your stars and I am already cursing mine.
Scene 2:
After the first paper was over...we had a break of 30 minutes before the next paper to commence. We discussed how bad the paper was, cursed the institute for setting tough paper and for the first time our frequencies matched!
Me: Did you notice the girl sitting diagonal to you is giving you frequent looks?
Akshay: See Ananya.. every girl likes me but not you.
Me: I never said I hate you (Jhooth bole kawa kate) ….anyways she kinda hot you can try!
Akshay: I’m not fond of hot girls(Jhooth bole kawa kate ).. I like girls to be simple….. So you are not from Lucknow.....right? I guessed that!
Me: That’s obvious after you inspected my admit card
Akshay: Well since you did not inspect mine I let you know about me. I am from Lucknow and I've a rich dad. He said son you at least give the exams and don't worry I'll get you through.
That was one those few moments when I smiled !
No wonder his dad had the same opinion as mine.... the child is wasted!
But not every man is man enough to say that in front of a girl!
Akshay: I don’t want his business so this probably is my escape plan!
His facial expression changed, he looked disturbed so I tried to change the subject.
Me: Howcome you said you knew I am not from Lucknow?
Akshay: You didn't put makeup and is definitely not trying to seek attention. I hope gals here knew that they would look beautiful in a simple blue patiala, white kurti and blue dupatta!
Now that was exactly what I was wearing and I managed to smile without letting him notice.
But then I thought he must have tried this line on many girls and I’m not buying it!
It was the first time I looked at him properly, he smiled and I had to smile back.
For some time I couldn't take my eyes off his dimpled chin and innocent eyes and I thought he definitely doesn't look like Shahid or Akshay....but he did got something girl ..actually he did look like Aftab Shivdasani.
Me: Well everyone has got their own style and dressing sense you should not compare.
(Now I was definitely being modest ,people do it everytime but I couldn't come up with a better response, damn!)
Akshay: So did you see anything in Lucknow?
Me: Not much
Akshay: What are you doing this evening?
(Actually he popped the question in hindi: Aaj shaam mai kya kar rahi ho?....and I gave him a skeptic look)
Me: why do you ask?
Akshay: I've two tickets for Mika's concert....you want to come with me?
That was the first time a guy had asked me out!...Before that none had
mustered up enough courage to do that and it was also the first time I wanted a guy
to ask me out!
I could make out from his face that he had practiced that line in his mind like ‘n’ times before asking me but that was undoubtedly the cutest thing about him-trying to act like ultra cool and ‘I-really-don’t-care-what-you-think-about-me’ in front of the girl.
But like all the female leads in Suraj Barjataya’s movies –‘comely and homely’,
I refused to go saying that I already had plans with my family!
Then there was pin-drop silence for 20 seconds.
He said that my plan for evening was more awesome than his and I should go out with my family which I already said I was going to.
He left the class before I did without saying a word after the paper got over.
That really sucked because though we didn’t start talking on a friendly note we did talk as if we were good friends.
Then when I was about to leave my place I found this scribbled on his desk-
‘NTYA take care bye’
I racked my brain for an hour to decode NTYA and I ended up with this- ‘Not Talking to You Again’…..it pissed me off like anything.
I was packing my stuff before leaving Lucknow and I came across my admit card and his face flashed before my eyes.To my surprise I found something written on it-
‘Nice Talking to You,Ananya’….my instant reaction was- what an asshole he is ! kept me thinking about it for 2 days!
The probability of falling in love with a stranger is one in a million but after all you need just one and moments like these you cherish for years, can make you smile and sometimes motivate you to blog!